On Being Raised Old School

As some of you know, my parents were divorced when I was little. So most of my childhood years were spent with my mother and me living with or near my grandparents (her parents, if that wasn’t assumed). The point being that my primary male influence was my grandfather, meaning that I learned how to be an adult from someone who had done it more than most. I could create an entire blog about what I learned from him, but today that is not the point. Today I just want to point out one, as I’m not sure how common it is and I am sure from people’s actions/comments that they do not understand where I am coming from.

A few months ago, I honestly forget when, some of us were talking about our mindsets about finances and money in general. One of my friends said that when she was growing up, the impression was given that finances would work themselves out once you were married. Like finances might be a mess while single, but that things were supposed to be better once you got married. Since we are close to the same age, she asked if that mindset was present when I grew up. You know, I honestly don’t remember what I said. Since I don’t know, let me answer here.

I have to say that the answer is pretty much that I agree with the mindset, but from the completely opposite way of thinking. In her past, from the impression I got, the idea was that you don’t need to worry too much about finances because once you get married, things will be better. I, too, gained the impression that once you got married, the wife shouldn’t have to worry about finances. What this meant was that a man has no real business pursuing a serious relationship unless his finances are straight. Why should he bring a woman into a difficult situation? I was raised to believe that the man should be able to support his family, and if he couldn’t do so yet, then he shouldn’t attempt to start a family yet.

So that’s the why for those people wondering why I never seemed to care about dating, or why women that others thought I should pursue weren’t. It’s all about respect. At the time, I wasn’t making any decent money, so the idea of starting a serious relationship was just never in the cards. I’m not saying it is a good or bad way of thinking, just that it is how I grew up.

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Just FYI, I’m really not looking to debate the merits of this mindset. I don’t particularly care about your stories of how you got married with you were 17 and broke and it worked out just fine or waited until you were 45 and financially secure and still got divorced or whatever. :p